Innocence Lost, Hope Regained
by Red Witch
Summary: After 'The Letter' Shane thinks about his past and his hope for the future.


**I dreamed away the disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters. Just another rambling fic based on 'The Letter'. That's how my mad mind works. **

**Innocence Lost, Hope Regained**

I still dream about it. The day of my first hunt. The first time I killed another Supertrooper.

The first time I used a blaster on someone who was once my friend.

Slasher was always a little nuts, but unlike most of the other troopers he actually liked me. One of the few troopers who would stand up for me when the others tried to beat me into a pulp.

He was one of the earliest designs. When they used experimental growth drugs to make him grow faster. That's part of the reason he became so unstable.

Part of the reason he was branded with an A and sent to be hunted.

He killed every member of my squad. Everyone except me.

And I was the one who killed him.

The dream is always the same. I relive the hunt again. And what happened afterwards. I remember standing over the body, feeling strangely numb. Not feeling anything.

I should have felt something. Sad. Angry. Betrayed. Guilty.

But I didn't. I felt nothing.

A Supertrooper doesn't feel those things. At least we're not supposed to. We only feel three things, angry, mad, and pride at being the best and beating everyone else.

At that moment I became a true Supertrooper.

I remember the other troopers crowding around me when I returned to the barracks. They were cheering me, patting me on the back.

"Way to go Gooseman!" Stingray laughed.

"Who'd have thought the Runt had it in him?" Gravestone chortled with pride.

"Ah he just got lucky," Kilbane grumbled and walked away.

And at that moment I was proud. I was no longer just the baby of the group. I was a full fledged Supertrooper like them.

Even the sadness and disappointment in Max's eyes didn't stop me from feeling proud.

I had finally proven that I was a real Supertrooper like the others.

I wasn't human.

I was one of them.

Or so I thought.

A few days later I guess the novelty or something wore off. The other troopers treated me the same as before. Well not exactly the same. They were a little less eager to attack me, a lot more wary of me.

I also realized that I had killed one of the few people who stood up for me. Even though I didn't have a choice I had destroyed one of my allies.

I didn't like that feeling.

In my dream it always skipped ahead to that moment. One minute they're cheering me, the next second they turn their backs on me. And those looks of hatred and scorn have intensified.

And I'm alone.

It was a long time before I realized what had happened to me. That I had truly lost my innocence.

I felt like I lost something more. Not just the respect Max had for me. I had also lost any chance of being like the others.

I didn't understand. I did everything that was expected of me. Went through the same training, the same trials as they did. I worked even harder but still nothing was good enough for them.

I was still just the Runt. The weak one in their eyes.

No matter how many times I proved myself it was never enough. They still hated me.

To this day I still don't understand why except for the fact that I was different. And I'm not even sure why I was so different. But I just was.

I guess Max and Walsh made me too human for my own good.

For years after that I was haunted by that dream. And the guilt it represented.

I not only murdered other Supertroopers but I willingly froze them and put them away in the Cryocrypt.

I was a traitor to my own kind. And nothing could change that.

But then…My life changed.

I made friends. Human and alien.

And I discovered other Supertroopers.

Particularly some Supertrooper children that had been abandoned for a hunt and left for dead. Only a twist of fate saved them.

Well that and the Galaxy Rangers.

Not long after the children were rescued I had a different dream.

I was watching the Supertrooper Children playing in a field when I felt someone behind me.

I whirled around and there was Slasher. He wasn't angry. He was smiling.

"Thanks kid," He smiled and he was gone.

I woke up, feeling a strange sense of peace.

I wasn't sure why but then I remembered something.

Mata and Hari were obviously based on Slasher's DNA. Probably clones of him based on the marks on their faces. They're the same as the marks on his face.

It took me a moment to realize it but that dream meant something.

Somehow…I'd been forgiven for what I've done that day.

By saving those two I'd balanced the scales between the two of us.

I had started to fix what was broken inside of me.

Somehow I will make amends for what I've done.

Even if it takes the rest of my life to do it.


End file.
